Hidup ada pilihan, atau tidak?

Assalamualaikum semua :)

Pagi tadi saya teringat perbualan dengan rakan seuniversiti longggggg time ago. His dad passed away when he was in secondary school, leaving behind 4 or 5 children and his mother. Tapi yang buat saya terkejut, bila dia kata "tak tinggal harta takpe lagi, tapi tinggal hutang pulak". I still could see how his face turned very kelat masam masa dia keluarkan statement ni. Dan of course terkejut jugak, bila dia sampai hati pulak kutuk arwah bapaknya tu :p

Ini buat saya terfikir. Apa agaknya anak- anak kita kata tentang kita dan cara kita menguruskan kehidupan, kalaulah mereka tahu?

Kalaulah mereka tahu yang kita sebenarnya lepaskan banyak peluang untuk ubah gaya hidup supaya dapat lebih masa dengan mereka semasa membesar?

Kalaulah mereka tahu yang kita sepatutnya tak perlu berhutang piutang semata- mata untuk gaya hidup yang belum kita mampu?

Kalaulah mereka tahu yang janji- janji kita kepada mereka selama ni sekadar nak sedapkan hati mereka saja? Disneyland? Legoland? Ok nanti kita pergi yer...

Kalaulah mereka tahu yang hutang piutang kita ni takde kaitan pun dengan struggle kita nak membesarkan mereka tapi lebih kepada kemahuan nafsu kita saja?

Kalaulah mereka tahu yang memang kita risau anak- anak di taska, tapi lama- lama kita ok je, takpe, ramai lagi budak- budak yang serupa, anak- anak will survive...

I hope no one get offended, sebab I am not talking about anyone else, but me, 2 years ago. I was so worried about sending my kids to babysitter. Macam- macam fikir.  Sekejap je risau, Lepas tu fikir ahh takpe budak - budak kan fleksibel, lama- lama OK la tu. Memang makin lama diaorang tak menangis pun pergi rumah pengasuh. But their eyes don't lie. Those sad eyes looking at us when we fetched them late. Those sad eyes in the morning, when we rushed them out of the house, into the car and off to the babysitter's.

At the same time, I was so worried about our financial state at that time. How do we survive if I lost my job, if my husband leaves, if I reach 50 with the same pay, and heck what is my retirement plan?!

I wasn't thinking of having a lot of money 2 years ago. but to get JUST ENOUGH!

Last week, we talked about the life we had before we started to work at home together. Saya beritahu  suami, "Syukur sangat kita ada pilihan. Imagine parents yang takde pilihan. Dah la hari- hari kat Facebook macam- macam cerita tentang budak- budak ni. We are not perfect, but we try our best, hoping it will work for us".

He replied "There is no such thing as TIADA PILIHAN".

Is it true?

Sigh.

May Allah guide and protect us all, our children and our parents, our friends and our neighbours.