semalam saya google tentang cara melatih anak jadi lebih confident, dan juga bagaimana kita sebagai ibubapa melatih diri kita sendiri supaya tidak berkelakuan atau berkata- kata yang boleh membuatkan anak jadi kurang yakin diri.
Please avoid the following:
By Maureen Healy
jom kita baca, sumber Psychology Today
Raising a Confident Child
Is your child confident?
The roots of self-confidence are born or broken in childhood. Early experiences shape our sense of self. It is often just little words that wound kids or empower their dreams. So having a heightened awareness as to the enormous power of your words and communication to kids is essential for fostering confidence in children.
Cultivating Confidence
Confidence literally means "with trust" or "with faith" and this seems correct to me. A confident child demonstrates self-trust in his or her abilities. Such confidence is developed over time but it is shaken or supported by the surrounding adults. Cultivating confidence in children takes time, effort andmindfulness. Some key tips are:
Mirror - Mirror back to your child his or her strengths, skills and qualities that create a positive view of self. Julie, age 5, played "Mary had a little lamb" by memory on my piano last week. Every child in the room was happy and excited to sing along. Soon Julie's mom made her way to Julie and said "Thank you Sweetheart! You are so talented" and so quickly did you see Julie's confidence soar.
"at this age now (3 y/o) aliyah is full of surprises everyday. when she sings, she even do the drum beat part sound haha! that is hillarios, we will laugh and i would say "aliyah ni kelakar la!" i think by now she acknowledge kelakar as she strength hahaha! sebab dia akan buat lagi dan lagi. tetap kelakar!"
Encourage - Every child needs encouragement. It is encouragement that actually enables a child to risk becoming more and believing in him or her self. Not long ago I watched Joshua ride his bicycle for the first time without training wheels along with his Dad's encouragement! His positive sense of self was palpable.
"sometimes it drives my husband (not me) crazy to see our wall and even coffee table all "nicely" written or drawn by her. i don't really care actually about the wall. baru la nampak macam ada budak2 dalam rumah kan. kalau bersih sgt macam bilik hotel pulak ataupun istana haha! biasanya saya akan tahan napas (nak gelak atau nak marah juga) dan tanya aliyah, lukis apa ni?? dan saya akan dapat jawapan yang tak diduga ok! priceless"
Extend Trust - Extend trust to your child. Let him or her know that you believe in their abilities. For example, Erin volunteered to make the salad for her family. She was a little nervous but had watched her mother make it almost nightly. Instead of micromanaging her, Erin's mom said, "I trust you to make a great salad!" Although this sounds like an itty-bitty thing to a child it's a positive emotional message being sent to her. She begins creating positive self-thoughts such as "I can do it" and "I am capable."
'setakat ni mungkin saya dah boleh percaya aliyah untuk bawak pinggan dia sendiri ke sinki, atau ke meja (kalau setakat roti atau fruits). dah boleh harap buang sampah juga atau letak baju dalam washing machine (ada once tersepit tangan kt penutup haha tapi tak serik". dan dapat tengok dia excited sangat nak laksanakan tanggungjawab tu. tapi kalau disuruh tu kadang2 liat juga. kena sukarela baru laju je"
Let them "Show Off" - Give your child an opportunity to show you and others their skills. It may be doing summersaults, singing, hula hoping or completing a complicated puzzle all alone. Whatever the skill give your child a chance to shine!
"sejak suka melukis ni, apa2 lukisan dia akan tunjuk pada saya dan explain. ini apa, itu apa yang dilukis. pokok ada, angry bird ada, muka dia sendiri pun ada. saya simpan dan letak tarikh untuk lihat perkembangan skill melukis dia *mak dah berangan anak jadi great painter hehehe"
View mistakes as gifts - Like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross stated, "There are no mistakes, no coincidences. Just gifts given to us to learn from" and I believe this to be true. Helping a child shape a worldview where mistakes are not only expected but accepted as necessary parts of his or her growth is essential - it helps them feel good regardless of whether they fail or succeed at a task.
"it's hard to consider her unwelcome behaviors as mistakes at her age! everything is learning process for her and for us as parents. more importantly, her behaviors reflect the way we behave towards her and around her. but repeated mistakes must be addressed. i am quite firm with her most of the time, but i sense lately she is testing me, to see whether her puppy sad looks can change my reaction towards her mistake. pandai!"
Praise them - Praise your child and not necessarily what they do. A common mistake in parenting is to solely focus on what your child does (i.e. plays violin, gets good grades) versus who your child is in this moment. Children grow confidence from feeling good about who they are on the inside and trusting whoever they are is good, capable, smart and able to face whatever life presents them (i.e. bully or a best friend).
"masa saya membesar, abah saya sukaaaa memuji, tapi pada masa yang sama kuat mengusik, sampai menangis2 anak2 kena usik. dia suka usik saya ni kulit hitam (macam dia ahaha) tapi pandai, cantik, manis. kihkihkih. untuk saya bila dah ada anak, memang natural untuk saya beri pujian. sepanjang hari kot hahaha! wangi la, lawa la, comel la, pandai la. lagi satu mak ada pesan, sebut yang baik2 je untuk anak sebab ianya doa. abes tu sebut je la kan, bukan susah pun. lately bila aliyah dah pandai show off lukisan dia, saya akan beri hugs. dan baru2 ni dia show off dan cakap "big hug please?" hehehe!
Be Confident - Children imprint what they see and look to model the behavior of the honored people in their life. So working on being the confident adult that you are (or can become!) will enormously help develop this quality in your child.
"yer betul sangat ni. ibubapa kena bergaul dengan ibubapa lain dan orang dewasa lain yang mempunyai nilai adab dan kelakuan yang senonoh! bukan bermaksud kita memilih bulu, tapi bila kawan2 kita positif, kita jadi positif, anak2 pun jadi positif. orang dewasa kena beri contoh yang baik, bukan untuk anak- anak mereka saja, tapi juga untuk kebaikan anak- anak orang lain juga. jadilah orang dewasa yang beri contoh terbaik untuk generasi anak2 ini!"
Simple but not easy
Saying all the right things to children isn't always easy. It takes effort and mindfulness. Some straightforward things that undermine a child's confidence are listed below.
- Harsh Criticism
- Questioning Them (constantly)
- Praising Solely Actions (not them)
- Discouraging Exploration
- Comparing them to other kids
Each of these may sound so obvious but it does take mindfulness and awareness in what you say as well as the nonverbal communication that you send to your child (i.e. emotions, body language). I am a firm believer that children digest the words and feelings all around them like food.
Confidence as Core
"Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy," explained Norman Vincent Peale. I believe this to be true. Confidence is a prerequisite to pursuing your dreams, believing in your talents and paving your unique path of highest potential. So mindfully cultivating self-confidence in children is really giving them a foundation upon which their own happiness can grow!
By Maureen Healy
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| Aliyah Boleh!!! |
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